Sergio Agüero - any good?

It’s hardly news that Ancelotti has been looking at Atletico Madrid’s Sergio Agüero. Reports state that the Blues have been quoted a monster £45 million for the Argentinian superstar who is also demanding £6.5 million after tax. Or as Gullit used to say, “netto”.

It appears that the £6.5 million after tax is a big sticking point. It’s the same as £11 million before tax or, to put it into context, equivalent to Kaka’s £200,000 a week Real Madrid wages. JT, Lamps and the rest of the squad are hardly going to sit quietly when in walks someone earning that amount of wonga. Hence the deal’s stalled.

For CFCnet, the question isn’t so much how much he’ll cost but more whether he’s any good. Yes, they’re related but the key question is will he perform and knock the goals in? If he doesn’t, then it hardly matters whether he costs £1 or £50 million. After all, with a nickname like ‘Kun’ (a Japanese manga character) failure to knock the goals in will soon have the headline writers’ drooling. ‘What a Kun-t’ being the start.

Sergio’s famous for two things:

Firstly, he’s the fiancee of Diego Maradona’s daughter who had a child with him earlier this year. If Sergio comes to Chelsea you can therefore expect to see Maradona’s portly frame tucking into a pie or two in the West Stand. With Maradona being the Argentine manager, the words ‘conflict’, ’of’ and ‘interest’ spring to mind.

Secondly, Sergio was the youngest ever player in Argentina’s first division at 15 years, 35 days. Hence comparisons with his father-in-law. Indeed, Sergio’s already played 55 games for Argentina yet has only just turned 21.

But what about his scoring record?

At Independiente he played for 3 seasons but in his first full season scored 18 goals in 36 games. A return of 0.50%. Not bad.

Moving to Atletico in 2006, he subsequently struck up a sensational partnership with Diego Forlan. Sergio’s goal record: 6, 19 and 17. Assuming it took him a year to settle, his record is basically similar to his one at Independiente with a 0.51% and 0.46% goal per game ratio.

As comparison, Frank Lampard’s goal per game ratio is 0.39%.

Here are a few clips of Sergio in action:

Independiente: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzHI0rA6Bto

Atletico: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4gWg0k_N5o

So, there you have it. This kid can play. Very Maradonna-esque and a tricky little player. A bit like Tevez on speed. As runner up player of the year in La Liga last year and Argentina’s player of the year for 2009 he’ll no doubt make a fantastic acquisition to our squad.

One concern remains. The tattoo on his arm uses JR Tolkein’s Tengwar alphabet spoken by the Elven people. He’s obviously smaller than we thought.

Hypocrite of the year award - Liverpool FC

Once FA Cup celebrations had quietened down and a great end to a dramatic season faded over the horizon, talk at CFCnet turned to some of the stranger events that had happened over the previous nine months. A sort of football version of the X Files.

Chief amongst these was the anniversary of the Heysel Stadium disaster on May 29th 2009. Even Mulder and Sculley would have been hard pushed to find any media coverage of this event. Just like one of the famous X Files episodes of the Nineties, it seems that grey aliens and reptilian humanoids aren’t the only thing to disappear mysteriously into the moonlit sky.

What makes the intrigue even more perplexing is that a month earlier 28 thousand fans and officials of Liverpool Football Club sombrely paid tribute to the 96 LFC fans who sadly lost their lives 20 years earlier in another calamity - the Hillsbrough Football Disaster.

There’s no question that Hillsbrough was a desperately tragic event that affected not just the dead fans and their families, but also the City of Liverpool itself. It was a defining moment that has etched April 15th into the hearts and souls of every Liverpool fan and indeed Merseyside, Blue and Red alike.

CFCnet respects the mourning and grief that surrounds Hillsbrough, not least the ongoing search for justice deftly sidestepped by the British judiciary. The Hillsbrough memorial committee has been a paragon of dignity who have campaigned for justice with great persistence and fortitude.

But hang on a minute. Wait up! What happened on the anniversary of Heysel? Err, not a lot. Whereas the 20th anniversary of the Hillsbrough disaster stole acres of newsprint and prime time media slots, the 24th anniversary of Heysel couldn’t have been quieter if the Ministry of Defence had slapped a D Notice over it. How come?

Wikipedia clarifies that the 39 fans that died in the European Cup Final between Juventus and Liverpool were mostly fans of Juve. Quote, “fans of Liverpool FC breached a fence separating them from rival Juve fans causing the Italians to retreat putting pressure on a dilapidated retaining wall which then collapsed.”

Any remaining doubts as to the culpable party are then dismissed with the reminder that “a number of Liverpool fans were subsequently tried for manslaughter”. UEFA said simply it was the darkest hour in their history.

With that in mind, it seems odd that Liverpool FC manage to wheel out 28,000 fans, officials, dignitaries and Government ministers for the anniversary of Hillsbrough yet the only remembrance for Heysel was one man in Stanley Park who bowed to his knees in silent prayer. Even then it’s not known whether he was praying for the departed or lamenting Liverpool’s 1-0 loss.

For the above reason, CFCnet is sad to award its ‘hypocrite of the year’ award to Liverpool FC. A life’s a life but if it’s a Scouser it’s obviously worth a little more. Very sad indeed.

Ancelotti needs our support

Whatever you think about Ancelotti, and there’s a significant minority who are against his appointment, we’ve got to get behind him. If nothing less, he deserves our respect for what’s he’s achieved at AC Milan and we should be proud that he’s chosen our Club.

Let’s go through some of the concerns:

1. His English is poor: If management is all about communication then he’s already up against his first hurdle. Scolari suffered with his English and there’s no question Mr Ancelotti needs to spend the next month sitting in a darkened room with an English teacher. Concern rating – 8 out of 10.

2. One Serie A Title in 8 years: At the elite level of European football that’s pretty poor by anyone’s standards. It would be a bit rich for us to complain when our team has historically won a title once every half century but Chelsea (post Abramovich) will expect to win a title at least once every 3 years. However, don’t forget that during Ancelotti’s AC Milan reign there was a significant period of corruption and scandal with Juve bribing referees to win the Championship in the Calciocaos affair – hardly a level playing field. Concern rating – 7 out of 10.

3. Liverpool’s Istanbul comeback: Carlo my son, if we were 3-0 up in a Champions League final against Liverpool only to promptly lose it, you’d be out on your ear quicker than you could say ‘Blue Flag’. It would be the end. Don’t even think of pulling a stunt like that on us against those Scouse idiots. It was probably the worst capitulation in the history of European football. Concern rating – 11 out of 10.

OK, let’s look at some of the pro’s:

1. Man Management par excellence: Apparently Mr Ancelotti is revered amongst his players, staff, fans and the Italian public alike. In this respect he’s similar to Guus Hiddink and it’s instructive that Hiddink told his players that Ancelotti’s ‘like me’. David Beckham spoke out last month and said, quote, “Ancelotti is one of the greats. His man-management skills are exceptional, he’s a brilliant coach.” Beckham continued, “Milan players are pleading with him to stay”, adding that “every one of Milan’s players adores him.” Pro rating – 10 out of 10.

2. European pedigree: Unlike Scolari, Ancelotti’s got day to day management experience in one of the toughest leagues in the world. He’s won the European Cup twice playing for one of the best sides ever to grace the world stage – the late 90’s AC Milan with Van Basten, Rijkaard, Gullit and Baresi. He’s also won two European Cups as manager. His experience at every level is perfect. Pro rating – 10 out of 10.

3. Tactical awareness: Serie A is the hardest league in the world for breaking down defences and scoring goals. Ancelotti, as a defender and manager for AC Milan, is as astute a tactician as Guus Hiddink. At the top level this is imperative – just look at Ferguson’s failings in Europe last week. Fergie was made a fool out of, just as he should have been against us last year and against Bayern in 1999. Being lucky is not great management. Pro rating: 10 out of 10.

4. English: Carlo’s no fool and his English will be OK by August. Don’t forget that he’s already been interviewed in English and one of his assistants is Ray Wilkins who already talks fluent Italian and played for AC Milan himself. Getting across his message shouldn’t be a problem. Pro-rating: 5 out of 10.

So there you have it. Concerns – 26 points, Pro’s – 35.

Welcome Mr Ancelotti and don’t listen to the fools talking about ‘Brazilian football’. Arsenal do that already and whilst it’s easy on the eye, there’s still no silver in the Emirates trophy room. As we all know, it’s about the results, the fantasy football can come later.

Frank Lampard. What do we know?

When Jose Mourinho tried to buy Frank Lampard last summer, a CFCnet staffer wrote an impassioned article telling Frank to leave, not in faded glory but Cantona-esque with his reputation intact. The theory being it’s best to leave on a high rather than let your sporting reputation die in front of everyone’s eyes…..you know, Ricky Hatton style.

Said author also had one eye on Chelsea’s bank balance. Last summer Frank was holding out for a new contract and when he finally sealed it on August 13th 2008 the amount totalled an eye-watering £39 million over the course of a five year deal. With the ghost of Winston Bogarde floating ever-present in the Matthew Harding Lower, it was felt that if Frank got seriously injured or started to decline in stamina, then Roman would have been sold a pup.

It goes to show, what do we know?

Frank has simply been phenomenal this year, without question his best season ever. Another 19 goals again underlines his breathtaking ability to drift into the box at the right time and tuck the ball away often at crucial times. Who can forget his last minute header against Wigan? His last gasp shot against Stoke? His vital Champions League brace against Liverpool?

Frank’s now averaged approx. 20 goals for a straight fifth season. In percentage terms, that’s equivalent to 0.39 goals for every game he plays in. No wonder he’s the only Premier League midfielder alongside Matthew Le Tissier to have scored more than 100 goals.

It’s not just Frank’s goals either. Alongside Dimitar Berbatov he boasts the most number of assists in the Premier League creating goals for everyone, especially Malouda, Drogs and Anelka who have thrived on the sharp angular passes that have set them loose on goal.

Just as impressive has been Frank’s attitude both on and off the pitch. Professional in defeat his actions at the end of the Barca game brought dignity to bear on a situation that was already careering out of control. Each time he’s been called on to lead the team in JT’s absence, Frank’s martialled his team mates vocally and effectively. We haven’t lost with him as Captain this season.

When called on to meet fans, Frank’s always willing to sign autographs often enquiring as to the correct spelling of the name he’s dedicating his autograph to. When CFCnet met Frank at the Fans Forum visit to Cobham, a nicer more down to earth fellow you couldn’t wish to meet.

It’s therefore fitting that last Thursday Frank became the first Chelsea player ever to win Player of the Year three times. From all of us at CFCnet, congratulations. As for the staffer who wrote that Frank should leave, well….he now plays for CFCnet’s youth team. As a reserve.

Who ate all the pies?

Mr Wheeler, doyen of Row 12, Row U in the Matthew Lower, summed it up perfectly, “I swear Malouda’s wearing shoulder pads.” He’s not wrong either - next Season’s home shirt looks like it’s been butchered by Vivienne Westwood circa 1988.

Perhaps that’s being a bit harsh because Mrs Chelsea thought it sleek enough to loosen the purse strings and allow me my first home shirt since Ruud Gullit magisterially strode into Stamford Bridge in the mid-Nineties. It’s a decent colour, a proper Chelsea blue with white stripes. None of that yellow nonsense.

The only criticism would be those breast plates infused with Adidas’ Climacool technology. It makes the fabric look pock marked – a sort of fashion acne. The cut is tight and its square shoulders make even the weediest schoolboy look like he’s got a physique belonging to Mike Tyson.

Overall it’s a good effort but one has to take issue with the fact that it’ll be replaced this time next year. Wasn’t it only a few years ago that Clubs came in for fierce criticism because shirts were changed every TWO years? Now the media clamour has all but died and fans are expected to fork out for a new home shirt every May, a new away shirt every July and a new third strip every August. That’s a total of £120 every season if you want to replace each shirt. It’s money for old rope and a bit shabby.

Most strange of all though is the fact that Chelsea fans must be getting fatter. What else can account for my 1989 shirt, in a large size, being smaller than my 2009 home shirt which is medium sized? It’s not the Persil either. The bottom line is that fans are getting bigger. If you don’t believe me pay a visit to the Club shop and have a look at the 8 XXL size – put a few poles in it and you’ve got a tent for six.

Goodbye Guus

Not since Gianfranco Zola joined Chelsea in November 1996 has one man made such a profound difference as Guus Hiddink. Just like Franco before him, the arrival of Guus saw an immediate improvement in the Club’s performances to the extent that it’s been calculated we’d have won the League with over 100 points if he’d joined in August.

His record says it all – 14 wins, 5 draws and 1 defeat, an extraordinary return equivalent to a 70% success rate. Comparisons? Alex Ferguson’s Man United win rate is 57%, Benitez’s is 56% and Wenger’s is 57% across their respective tenures.

Critics might argue that to compare Hiddink’s 20 games with Fergie’s 1,274 games for United makes statistics irrelevant. Perhaps so, but Hiddink also had a 70% success rate with PSV Eindhoven and a European Cup to boot. Makes you think.

It’s therefore with a heavy heart that Chelsea fans say goodbye to Guus. After January’s despondency which saw Scolari axed as well as a 3-0 defeat to the Mancs and a nasty scare at home to Stoke, the arrival of Guus lifted us all. Starting with a highly impressive away victory at Villa Park, it didn’t take long before the team visibly lifted in confidence and the fans pride became noticeably restored.

Highlights? Arsenal’s heaviest home defeat in 32 years was perhaps pick of the bunch as was our semi final day out at Wembley. Perhaps his greatest feat was to lay bare the myth of Barcelona as some sort of footballing Hercules and to expose their mortality. Only Ovrebo’s outrageous refereeing stopped Guus from lifting his second European cup….

It was therefore fitting that not only did Guus receive a spontaneous standing ovation during the second half against Blackburn, he was also treated to chant after chant imploring him to stay. The player’s guard of honour, once granted to Claudio Ranieri after 4 years service, says it all.

Thanks for everything Guus, we’ll miss you.

referee death threats

Following widespread reports linking death threats made to Norwegian referee Ovrebo from CFCnet's Forums, CFCnet has issued a press release to clear the air. Here it is in full:

Following widespread in the media, CFCnet would like to set the record straight regarding ‘Chelsea fans death threats made towards the Norwegian referee, Tom Henning Ovrebo’.

This is important as CFCnet has been widely quoted as the forum responsible for the death threats.

Upon detailed investigation of our website and forums, we have discovered that the death threats were made by a young 17 year old boy from Perth, Australia. The lad in question, Curtis Brand, took umbrage at Ovrebo’s refereeing whilst using our live, unmoderated match day forum. To view Curtis’ threat click here:

Link: http://forums.cfcnet.co.uk/index.php?showtopic=42626&st=50

The young boy, obviously unaware of the media storm that would follow said, “I am seriously considering flying to Norway and killing the ref”.

The post, one of 1,057 made during the game, was live for 25 seconds before new posts created a brand new forum page for members to post on.

CFCnet abhors threats and violence of any kind, and has issued a written warning to Mr Brand stating that he will be banned from CFCnet for life if he makes any similar threats in future. This warning applies to all CFCnet members and users.

We have since spoken to Curtis’ father who has agreed to suspend Curtis’ membership of the Perth Gun Club and to confiscate his legally owned Magnum 45. He has also been barred by Rockstar Games from playing Grand Theft Auto 4 and by Ripcord Games from playing Postal 2.

Curtis’ father has also thanked CFCnet for letting him know about his boy’s murderous tendencies and has immediately placed him under psychiatric supervision. Mr Brand senior added, “Curtis receives ten Aussie dollars a week and we estimate he couldn’t have flown to Norway without saving up for four years so the referee would have been safe, at least up until 2013.”

CFCnet would also like to censure The Daily Mail, The Guardian, Reuters, London Lite, The London Paper and even The Independent for running such a ludicrous anti-Chelsea story. A slow news day chaps?

Finally, CFCnet would like to put on record that we echo Guus Hiddink’s view that Ovrebo’s refereeing display was the worst either we or he’d ever seen. Whilst not wanting to be seen to be xenophobic, CFCnet has also cancelled its end of season fjord cruise party and thrown away 5 tins of the finest Norwegian pickled herrings.