Mr Wheeler, doyen of Row 12, Row U in the Matthew Lower, summed it up perfectly, “I swear Malouda’s wearing shoulder pads.” He’s not wrong either - next Season’s home shirt looks like it’s been butchered by Vivienne Westwood circa 1988.
Perhaps that’s being a bit harsh because Mrs Chelsea thought it sleek enough to loosen the purse strings and allow me my first home shirt since Ruud Gullit magisterially strode into Stamford Bridge in the mid-Nineties. It’s a decent colour, a proper Chelsea blue with white stripes. None of that yellow nonsense.
The only criticism would be those breast plates infused with Adidas’ Climacool technology. It makes the fabric look pock marked – a sort of fashion acne. The cut is tight and its square shoulders make even the weediest schoolboy look like he’s got a physique belonging to Mike Tyson.
Overall it’s a good effort but one has to take issue with the fact that it’ll be replaced this time next year. Wasn’t it only a few years ago that Clubs came in for fierce criticism because shirts were changed every TWO years? Now the media clamour has all but died and fans are expected to fork out for a new home shirt every May, a new away shirt every July and a new third strip every August. That’s a total of £120 every season if you want to replace each shirt. It’s money for old rope and a bit shabby.
Most strange of all though is the fact that Chelsea fans must be getting fatter. What else can account for my 1989 shirt, in a large size, being smaller than my 2009 home shirt which is medium sized? It’s not the Persil either. The bottom line is that fans are getting bigger. If you don’t believe me pay a visit to the Club shop and have a look at the 8 XXL size – put a few poles in it and you’ve got a tent for six.
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